Day 21 pity party

 Last week in church I realised something, or remembered something. Or rather God nudged me. 

I was feeling a bit sorry for myself.  Only a little bit, but I recognised that at this time of year in particular it is easy to feel a bit taken for granted.  Well, it is for me anyway.   I throw myself into all the christmas stuff, go the extra mile, make an effort and quite often I feel that nobody particularly notices or appreciates it.  Which is of course a lie,  they do notice and they mostly appreciate.  But when Im busy and tired it can be easy to listen to the wrong voices.

Sometimes living in a family of adults feels like living in a student squat.  Everyone does their own thing. Nobody tidies up after themselves. Someone else's washing is always in the machine...... moan moan moan. And poor me, I am overworked and underpaid and I dont deserve this life.  Sound familiar?

Ive put in a big effort in church this year, as I do every year, running around trying to do too much and be the answer to everyones problems.  And as I was sitting about to throw myself a bit of a pity party during last weeks sermon, God tapped me on the shoulder and said something to the effect of ' so who are you doing it all for?  If you do everything for the praise of man you are always going to be disappointed. If you do it for me you will never be disappointed. Because I see it all, I appreciate it all and Im sitting here waiting for you to stop and listen so I can tell you Well Done!'

Brother Lawrence, the medieval monk who wrote The Practice of the Presence of God nailed it when he got to the place in his life where washing the dishes in the monastery became his act of worship.

he had always been governed by love, without selfish views; and that having resolved to make the love of GOD the end of all his actions, he had found reasons to be well satisfied with his method. That he was pleased when he could take up a straw from the ground for the love of GOD, seeking Him only, and nothing else, not even His gifts."[1] "That in order to form a habit of conversing with GOD continually, and referring all we do to Him; we must at first apply to Him with some diligence: but that after a little care we should find His love inwardly excite us to it without any difficulty."[1] Lawrence pleads that all work is valuable to God and one need not accomplish great things to please Him. The labourer is as valuable to God as the priest.[2]



'seeking Him only'.  I dont do that. I dont live my life out of a love of God which transfuses everything. So much of what I do every day is selfish and utterly without regard to the love of God which is streaming towards me, freely available. And when I cook and shop and clean and work for myself or for others then the agenda is that I need payback.  My efforts should be valued.  My time should be rewarded.   But if I were cooking and shopping and doing the housework out of a deep sense of gratitude that God has provided me with everything I need, that my taking care of what He has given me blesses Him, that He appreciates what I do for other people and for church.  That He loves what I bring to every task I undertake.......

Hey ho.  Lots to learn. Less of me and more of Him. Work in progress.




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