Day 8 a testimony

Im a very blessed person because I was brought up in an entirely fear-free family. My parents both had their fare share of troubles and difficulties. They lost a baby before I was born. They had an unhappy marriage and divorced when I was 4. They both remarried and both ran small businesses with all the stresses and hard work that that entails. They were both widowed relatively young. There was plenty of real life struggle as I was growing up. But..... I can honestly say that as a child I was never aware of an environment of anxiety, worry, fear. My parents talked about things as my brother and I got older and we knew the reality of some of the difficult ' life stuff'. But neither of my parents were fearful. Im not sure why. They were both born during the war years and maybe that generation were purposefully and strongly protected from the fears that the war must have engendered. They were most likely brought up being sheltered from truly scary things. And therefore they brought up their own children in the same way.

My parents were also both pretty resilient and capable. They approached life with a ' can do' attitude. They weren't Christians. Although they had both been brought up to go to church and to believe that life wasn't all about them. Whatever the reason, they both did a pretty good job at bringing us up to believe that there was really nothing to worry about.

When I was about 10 I was targeted by a strange man who phoned our house and said he was looking for children to be photographic models for a catalogue he was shooting. He knew my name, had our phone number and sounded highly plausible. My Mum was a single parent at the time. She didnt stress or panic. She phoned a police officer friend and got them to come round to sit in our house at the time this guy was supposed to come and interview me. He didnt show up. Of course it must have been worrying for my Mum but rather than tell me to be scared of every man on the street, rather than get me a taxi home from school every day, she just told me everything was fine and Id be safe. The police followed me home from school for a while as I walked the mile or so with my friends. I knew they were there but I wasnt bothered. My Mum had said there was nothing to worry about - so I wasnt worried.

As an adult I was increasingly deeply thankful to both my parents for being non-anxious presences in my life. Before Mum died I thanked her for being fearless. Im not sure she understood just what a fantastic foundation she laid for me and my brother. Ive laid that same foundation for my boys. By and large they dont worry about stuff. And of course they have the added benefit of knowing Jesus since they can remember and being encouraged to always bring their cares to cast on Him.

However, the downside to being fear-free is that its really hard to understand people who are highly anxious. Im sure I have been guilty in my adult life of having a bit of a ' pull your socks up' attitude to people responding in ways that are foreign to me.

Ive had 2 experiences of feeling fear which have helped me to understand

1) I was mugged at knifepoint

2) A recent family fallout resulted in me being the target of some very unpleasant correspondence and threats of legal action

Both of these experiences had the same ' symptoms' They made me hyper-vigilant - I was on the alert all the time for possible threats whether that was when I was walking down the street ( after the mugging) or hearing my phone ping at an incoming email. I found myself re-playing events in my head over and over. I didnt sleep well. I began imagining all sorts of other possible scenarios.....

Fear is real and its horrid. But it isnt true. 

Yes, I was held up at knifepoint in the dark by a young man who wanted my bag and ripped the necklace off my neck. Is that likely to ever happen again? No. Was God with me? Very clearly yes. Is every man walking behind me down a street a potential threat? No. Are all young men dangerous? Of course not. It took me a while to get on top of the fear which was most definitely present with me for a while after I was mugged. But I made a conscious decision to keep walking on my own at night. Id done it for years and been absolutely fine. I was sensible, but I remember one time I heard the footsteps of someone else behind me on the path and the panic started to rise and I quickly made a plan for what I would do if anything happened. But of course nothing happened. Because most people, 99.9% of people ,are nice and kind and normal and aren't out to get me. I prayed in tongues every time I went out. And after a while the fear went away. Really truly went. I can be out at night on my own and genuinely not be fearful now.

The emails and phone pinging was a matter of me taking a step back and giving myself a talking to. Why was I suddenly feeling sick when I had to check emails? Whatever my inbox held, it was only words on a page. However unpleasant those words ,they actually weren't true. So why was I getting into such a state? I just decided to give it to Jesus, leave it with Him and get on with my life. The fear still tries to creep in occasionally but I resist it and hand it over to Jesus . Fear has left the building. Hallelujah

And the moral of the story is........ twofold

1) as parents we can most definitely shield and protect our kids from fear. Fear is contagious ( more of this later) and they will easily pick it up from us unless we make concerted efforts to not be anxious in front of our children. Speak the truth. Be a positive, can-do, God-is-able parent.

2) Recognise the triggers and stamp on every vestige of fear that rears its head. Change your self-talk. Shut down the catastrophising. Submit your fears to God over and over again and speak out loud to tell the fear to leave. Declare that you are loved, a child of God, saved and safe and that you refuse to be afraid. Step out from under the umbrella of fear. And tell someone else who can pray with and for you.