Day 16 - other people's fear

 Thanks for sticking with me so far.  Im hoping that much of what Ive said over the past couple of weeks has not, in fact, applied to you.  Im hoping that you are not an anxious, fearful, phobic, worried person.  But if you are then I hope you might be feeling,if not less so, then at least a bit encouraged that there might be a different way.  That fear is not your lot.

Today we look at something that will most definitely apply to all of us.  How to deal with the anxiety and fear in others. 

1) Fear is highly contagious.  Dont ask me how I know this, I just do.  I've seen it operating in families where kids ' catch' the anxiety of their parents and partners ' catch' it from each other.  I've experienced the feeling of stress and mild panic when dealing with people who are paralysed with fear.  I think that the fear that is in and around other people will seek out our gifts and attach to them.  So my calling is to be an exhorter.  I live to be an encouragement in whatever way I can.  When I step under the umbrella of other peoples fear ( which i try very hard not to do these days) I start to feel anxious about not being able to 'fix it'.  I get anxious in my praying instead of being authoritative.  I fret that Im not going to be encouraging and effective in what I say or do.  The focus switches from who Jesus is and what He can do, to me. And Im never going to be able to help or heal anyone.   You might find fear creeps into a different place in you.  Wherever your major calling lies, look at that place and work out what the opposite thing looks like.  That will be what fear tries to bring up in your life.

2) Theres a difference between chatting or praying with a stranger you meet in a queue or who comes up for prayer in church  and dealing with someone you love who is riddled with fear.  Its especially difficult to live with someone who is battling anxiety, phobias, nightmares, obsessions, disordered eating, and all the rest.  I'd offer the following.  a) get a team around you to support you whilst you are supporting them. b) make a covenant with yourself that you are going to speak truth to lies ALL THE TIME.  When you start looking you will see that what fear-filled people say is riddled with untruth. You are a custodian of the Truth and it is your responsibility to refute and rebuke the things that fear says.  So whenever, (and it has to be EVERY time) you hear your loved one say ' I can't go to that event because..... ' or ' this project Im handing in is rubbish'  or ' my boss hates me'  or even something as inane as ' it never rains but it pours'  you respond with the words, ' ah but that's not true.  The truth is......'  Watch and see what happens.  Its not confrontational. You arent arguing with the person. What you are doing is refusing to allow the statement to enter your being.  You put up your spiritual hand and your shield and you say NO. Im not accepting that statement and Im not agreeing with it because by agreeing Im giving ground to the fear being expressed.  But more that this, not only are you protecting yourself from being invaded by other peoples fear, you are dismantling it and speaking back the Truth. The Truth sets people free.  Truth about everything.  Not just Bible verses. Facts.  Every true word you speak into a fear-filled person is a mighty weapon.

Example. Them:  If I eat that cake Im going to get fatter and  people already think Im fat.

                 You: Thats not true actually.  For a start people dont think you are fat.  I dont think you are fat. I think you are absolutely fine.  And anyway, eating that cake isnt going to materially affect your weight.  Why do you feel like that? Can we talk a bit more about it?

3) Encourage the person who is fear-filled to fill themselves with good stuff. If they are Christians, offer to pray with them often and pray for them.  Encourage them to listen to worship music on repeat all the time. Give them books to read - not theological tomes (unless they are into that stuff) but uplifting, positive literature.  (Classic children's literature is quite often massively moral and uplifting.) Whatever is pure and true and noble....    If they dont know Jesus yet then offer to pray with them anyway.  Tell them prayer works - they dont need to believe it because you do. Show compassion. Be super kind. Offer to help in practical ways if that seems useful .  And explain how fear works. Non Christians can have surprising insight into spiritual things and most are really keen to find a fear-free way of living.

4) Be a non-anxious presence yourself.  Just as fear is contagious, so is faith.  He who is in us is greater than He who is in the world.  Demonstrate by example that there is nothing to fear.   

5) Sometimes fear has been a part of someone for so long it has become a stronghold.  The person wouldn't know who they were without it.   Fear is not rational.  An agoraphobic genuinely feels that there is danger in just being outside. No amount of discussing it will convince them otherwise. Because there is a spirit of fear operating and it doesn't operate on the level of the intellect.  The agoraphobic will be able to tell you that they know that rationally there is nothing to fear from going outside. They just cant do it.  Their body, their mind, will and emotions are all being held hostage.  Ask God to expose the root.  Where did this fear get in? Ask the person where the fear got in.  If you can discern the entry point then call the elders to pray and anoint with oil and keep praying over that entry point believing that the prayer of a righteous man avails much.  It can be a battle and take much longer than any of us would like.  But God will answer with myriad miracles and small steps of healing.  Or maybe He will do it all at once.  The mission of Jesus is to set the captive free.  Its what He died for.   If you have started the conversation about fear, started praying for someone, encouraged them to feed themselves with truth and good things, then its a matter of them taking every thought captive and re-training their brains to default to faith not to fear.  

6) If you can take your fear-filled person along to a community choir, do it.  Singing is fantastic for overall health and wellbeing. (Look it up. https://www.singupfoundation.org/about-singing-for-mental-health/understanding-singing-for-mental-health/singing-health)  If it can be worship, so much the better ,but any sort of positive community singing will help a lot.  The problem with getting fearful people to do new things is that they are often too afraid to try it!  So you'll have to commit to going with them.  And you might have to be quite forceful in the first instance to get them started. 

7) Tempting as it might be, dont try to argue your way through someone else's fear.  Its not rational, and they probably know that.  Rather explain that fear is a liar and that you are going to speak truth.  Look behind the specific presentation to the underlying spirit of fear.  Acknowledge the reality of the feelings. But refute and rebuke the liar who is behind them.

8) Get prayed for yourself. Often. Fill yourself with truth and hope and love and joy.  And give it all to Jesus. You cant get anyone free, only He can.

Please add anything else you have found helpful when dealing with other peoples anxiety, fear, fretting etc in the comments. Thanks